Co(s)mic war
‘GREGORY TREVERTON’S CO(S)MIC WAR’ – HINDU REVIEW OF THE RAND REPORT
Story Religious expert Mark Juergens Meyer and his other religious expert friends
Script Gregory F Treverton & Co. of the RAND National Security Research Division
Directors Office of the Secretary of Defense, the Joint Staff, the Unified Commands, the defense agencies, Department of the Navy, the U.S. intelligence community, allied foreign governments, and Foundations.
Producer CIA’s Directorate of Intelligence
Cast Christian God and Muslim God, Christian terrorist groups, Islamic Jihadi outfits, White Christian and Islamic Governments overtly and overtly supporting religious terrorism, New Religious Movements belonging to Christianity and Islam and the Jewish, Hindu and other victims of Islam and Christianity, and Rand’s ‘religious experts’ and US intelligence analysts.
Now showing in some theatre near your home.
The lasting impression of the average viewer is confusion followed by outrage. The Hindu critic sat through two-thirds of the movie for an agonizing 2 hours and then conducted an exit poll outside a cinema hall showing Gregory Treverton’s ‘Cosmic War’, questioning viewers as they emerged after the show. 83% of those questioned told us they did not know even at the end of the movie if the war or the story had ended when it ended while 17% expressed the view that the movie must be renamed ‘comic war’. While 42% thought the story of ‘cosmic war’ was boring old stuff redeemed however in small measure by excellent modern special effect visuals provided by White Christianity’s nuclear weapons and the Islamic world’s other weapons of mass destruction, 36% thought the ‘cosmic war’ between the Christians and Muslims was action like they get to see on WWF on the small screen where two fat men in funny underclothes and gaudy painted faces merely pretend to kill each other and that it was a lot of fun; 22% told us they were not sure if the film was meant to amuse them, scare them or bore them. All of them agreed that Jurgensmeyer story and Treverton’s script sucked and that the Directors were trying to sell them a lemon and that they would think twice before watching a Rand Corporation movie again.
The story in brief: The Christian God wants Christians to believe just as the Muslim God wants Muslims to believe that He alone is God and therefore ‘good’. It follows therefore that the God who is not God is not good but evil and this depends on which God shouts louder. Both Gods want the same cosmos for their kingdom and decide to fight to the finish for it. That is why the movie is named ‘Cosmic War’ and that is why Treverton, the principal author calls the war between the two ‘only me God’, a war of good and evil. The story is straight forward up until here.
After a while both these ‘only me God’s get weary of beating up each other to a pulp and call off their war to take a breather. They declare the first of their several cease-fire agreements, agree that fighting each other to death is silly when they can get others to do it for them and so come to a mutually beneficial agreement to convert the ‘Cosmic War’ from the metaphysical into the physical. Both ‘only me God’s begin the process of creating their own terrorist armies who from now on will not only fight each other to the finish, but will also exterminate from the earth those who refuse to join them. From fighting an invisible war in some remote corner of the cosmos, both Gods create their own terrorists to fight the wars on their behalf and descend invisibly to earth to oversee the acts of murder, mayhem, rape, plunder, loot and destruction performed for them and in their name.
The biggest disappointment of the story and the script and the film is that just as the two ‘only me God’s could not fight each other to the finish, their terrorist armies too cannot seem to fight each other to the finish. And so Jurgensmeyer, seeks to present a twist in the tale. He advocates the two terrorist armies of the two ‘only me Gods’ to declare yet another cease-fire, to realize that they are the children of Siamese twins separated at birth and to turn as one against those that refuse to join either army. The ‘Siamese Twins’ lie must be exposed, the Hindu critic thought. Jurgensmeyer forgot the Jews. It should actually be Siamese Twins of three Gods and their armies.
Obedient to the Jurgensmeyer exhortation, as the two (should be three) ‘only me God’s look around the as yet unconquered cosmos, their attention is caught by a bare-chested Hindu dwarf clad in a small piece of white cloth from the waist down sporting a wooden umbrella, who was pressing the Christian and Muslim nether world firmly under one small foot while the other small foot effortlessly soared over their own heads to span the cosmos which both ‘only me God’ s hoped some day to control. The act of spanning the cosmos with one small foot was one of the several stupendous visual treats of the film and the fury of the ‘only me God’ s, understandably, knew no bounds.
Jurgensmeyer points to the dwarf and tells the two ‘only me God’ s that it is the dwarf which poses the biggest challenge to their military power and cosmic hegemony and that the Siamese twins instead of trying to finish each other off which in any case they cannot do, must try to finish off the followers of this dwarf whom he calls the RSS. From then on the film rapidly descends into bathos. The third part of the Siamese Twins decides to strike a tactical alliance with the army of the Hindu Dwarf. At intermission, the viewers are left with the question, who, for God’s and Cosmos’ sake, is the bad guy in all this. If both ‘only me God’s want the same Cosmos, if both think they are Good while the other is Evil, if the madmen and women who constitute the terrorist armies of these Gods cause the same death and destruction, who, asks the Hindu critic, is good and who evil?
Jurgensmeyer’s answer to that one – Ravana, the metaphysical ‘evil one’ and his terrorist army, the RSS! Even as the Hindu critic rubbed his ears and eyes in total disbelief, Jurgensmeyer and Co. present Ayodhya as Kurukshetra the Cosmic battlefield at which point the Hindu critic walks out of the hall in disgust. He like many others is considering suing the Rand Corporation to get his money back. This can’t be serious, agree those questioned by the exit poll. If the Rand wants to avoid litigation it must first rename ‘Cosmic War’ to ‘Comic War’ which should not be too difficult and then have the film certified as ’spoof’ so that viewers are not deceived.
Viewer Rating: *
Critic rating: */2
16th August, 2005.